Shutdown
Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. -Proverbs 3:5-6 NLT
A common operation I perform at work on my computer is to shut it down. I simultaneously press Ctrl + Alt + Delete, click the power icon, then shutdown. A period of time elapses - based on why I shut it down - before I power it back on.
Ctrl stands for control; this key allows certain actions and commands to be performed when pressed in conjunction with other keys on the keyboard (Lenovo). Alt stands for alternate; like Ctrl, it's considered a modifier key, with the main difference being the functionality being triggered (Lenovo). And Delete does just that - removes data.
Legend has it Ctrl + Alt + Delete was only supposed to be used during the development phase to restart the computer and required two hands so this action wouldn't be done accidentally; the use of it now is famously considered a mistake (ABC News).
But it was no accident nor mistake when I pressed Ctrl + Alt + Delete on October 1, 2025 after conducting an orderly shutdown at work. As I closed my laptop, I was closing a chapter in my life.
The next 24 hours are a blur; though it felt like I immediately drove to my parents' house, about 25 minutes away, to await the ambulance that was bringing my mother home to enter hospice; it was actually the next day.
As I awaited her arrival, I saw the equipment being brought in - the bed, the oxygen tank, and other supplies she would need; I cleaned and prepared the room for her.
The ambulance arrived. I remember the paramedics that got her into the house from the hospital being very caring, but I don't remember much else from those first few days.
On October 5th, the family came over for an early birthday celebration for my mom; we did it on a Sunday to maximize participation. She got to enjoy a bite or two of her birthday cake; later that evening, after the party was over, she declared "ice cream for everyone".
She made it to 80 on October 8th, though she didn't want much fanfare; she popped the balloon I gave her. All she asked was for my nephew and I to open the windows and the doors; we obliged. I remember as I stood looking out the front door many birds flying together swiftly - I was concerned they were going to enter the house.
In the subsequent days, her dying process intensify. I can't tell you the exact day she stopped eating or talking, but I came to the realization that she just didn't need her physical body anymore. And, on October 18th, my mom's earthly life came to an end. My confidence that she is with the Lord has carried me through (2 Corinthians 5:8).
I don't feel like I have loss my mother, as I still feel her presence - we are connected by the power of the Holy Spirit. The Gone from My Sight booklet by Barbara Karnes, RN my family and I were provided with from hospice explains my sentiments well; it contains a poem about a ship crossing the blue ocean - its beauty and strength hadn't changed, just the perspective of it as its presence was no longer within sight.
This resonated with me because my mom is named after the Clotilda, the last illegal slave ship that came from Africa to Alabama on which her great-great grandfather was aboard; her name is Clotielde. On her journey, before and after her passing, people would ask the significance of her name and it provided an opportunity to share the message that though we know some of our history, we have still been able to 'Choose to LOVE'; if we can do this, anyone can.
Though my mom is not physically with me to share this message anymore, she is with me as I carry it on. Her name has taken on a new meaning that encourages me to persevere (Revelation 3:10-13). But I’m still processing her transition.
I had prayed for her to be healed on Earth while God’s Will was for this to take place in Heaven (Revelation 21:4). Though I would have never planned for it to happen this way, God is in control; I can continue to ‘Choose to LOVE’ because He first loved me (1 John 4:19), giving Jesus in my place – as an alternate – to allow me to come into a right relationship with Him (2 Corinthians 5:21). Through this offering of sacrifice, I will see my mother again. Deleting parts of His plan would cause me to shut down and He has good plans for me (Isaiah 53:10; Jeremiah 29:11), so He is helping me work through my emotions. His way, what my mom imparted in me is able to be transformed for His glory (1 Corinthians 15:35-53).
He’s intentionally growing me in this wilderness (Isaiah 53:2); if I leave it all in His hands, my mother’s life will not be in vain (1 Corinthians 15:54-58). Her imprint is all over my life, so allowing Him to complete the great work He’s begun in me (Philippians 1:6) will produce a harvest (Galatians 6:9) and a lasting legacy through my family tree.
The historic shutdown has come to an end. The lapse was divine timing; it allowed time in the presence of the Comforter and to lay my mom to rest. I’m restarting (Revelation 21:5-6), still processing how God does things (Ecclesiastes 7:13), yet in honor of the memory of my mom, I’m determined to finish (Ecclesiastes 7:8). As I continue to heal (Revelation 21:4) and my connection to Him is able to be stronger through her (John 15:1-17), I will be filled with the fruit of my salvation (Philippians 1:11), able to trust Him with all my heart (Proverbs 3:5). This is key for Him to show me which path to take and walk by faith into this new chapter (Proverbs 3:6; Revelation 3:7).
Authentic Existence® Affirmation: By faith, I will see the new thing God has already begun.
Heavenly Father, thank You for continuing to grow me to wholeheartedly trust You so I can see how You bring things together in Your divine timing to produce new and good things through me. In Jesus' Name I pray, Amen